Thursday, December 29, 2005
Relax. Thursday. Sudoku.
the air-conditioner was tuned to celsius 16. The fan was on it's highest. The machine was set to the cool mode. The blazing sun outside made the small room a haven. i was forcing my mind for the only solution of the sudoku puzzle. Such confusing puzzles. Yet such fun. I make mistakes, yet can't get it right all along. Damn. Nothing to say. Don't ask why. Not today at the very least.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Christmas. Sunday. Depressed.
Uh. Another Christmas. It's boring. Having nothing to do. I am getting crazy about her. I have got a lot of things to say. I need a counsellor. Someone to attend to my problems. My thoughts are all tied up.
***
It's a gloomy sunday. The trees are dull itself. Old yellow leaves scattered on the ground. Thunder booming behind those dark clouds. The sun is going down behind the moutains itself. The rays are withering. I am bored. Depressed. Frustarated. I feel all wasted this holidays. Staying rotten. I just couldn't forget her. Feel sick when i keep thinking about her. Worst till, it's the pmr and uec next year. What do you expect me to do? Time is going to be so cramped and packed. F*** myself. I have got to revise all those things learnt thru out secondary one and 2. Holy shit. I keep avoiding myself from those problems i face. Thoughts about her, My future, and my studies. Why is life so tough? I remember those days when i was younger. The world inside and outside me were simple. Like between black and white. Simple eh? If i were to grant a wish, I would wish for simple. Simple inside and outside me. That's all. May be i am confusing myself . I dunno.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
I am frustarated. About love. About my studies. And about my future. Ma plans to send me to the states. She wants me to decide. Stay back or leave. I am growing older. Life is tougher. Decisions are harder. Sigh. i am thinking about leaving. To the states. Maybe i will change there. Or either deteriorate. Omigosh. But i am going to miss a lot of people. Maybe i still miss her a lot. I dunno why. i can't forget her. I just like her. Simple. Just love. Hope she doesn't sees this.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Today, i received a card from her. Well, she wwrote nothing else. Just happy birthday. And i sms-ed her to tell her tq. She replied late and, of course, she explained why she replied late and so on. Iwas going to reply"it's none of my business even if you don't reply."when someone called me. Am i really bad or what?
I just don't know. Whenever i look at that particular guy, i feel like loathing him. But it was not his fault, neither was hers. What if i had just kept her back? Tell her how much i like her. That'd be a waste of time and energy. Hahaha.
I just don't know. Whenever i look at that particular guy, i feel like loathing him. But it was not his fault, neither was hers. What if i had just kept her back? Tell her how much i like her. That'd be a waste of time and energy. Hahaha.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
You make me cry
On such a starry night
I don’t think so that I’ll deny
That I love you so
I just don’t know why
Am I really falling for you?
If love is all the things I had
Moments back I lost it all
I cried but did not try
To keep you back
From walking off the deck
Is this really true
Am I really falling for you?
On such a starry night
I don’t think so that I’ll deny
That I love you so
I just don’t know why
Am I really falling for you?
If love is all the things I had
Moments back I lost it all
I cried but did not try
To keep you back
From walking off the deck
Is this really true
Am I really falling for you?
The proper using of Fuck.
Happy - I'm fucking high.
Dismay - Oh, Fuck it.
Aggression- Fuck you!
Passive- Fuck me.
Command- Go fuck yourself.
Incompetence-He's a fuck up.
Laziness-He's a fuck off
Ignorance-He's a fucking jerk.
Trouble-I guess I am fucked now.
Confusion-What the fuck?
Despair-Fucked again.
Philosophical-Who gives a fuck?
Denial-You ain't fuckin' me.
Rebellion-Fuck the world.
Annoyance-Don't fuck with me.
Encouragement-Keep on fucking.
Etiquette-Pass the fuckin' salt.
Fraud-I just got fucked by my insurance agent.
Organized crime-What the fuck you looking at?
Identification-What the fuck are you?
Ugliness-You're a dumb looking fuck.
Agreement-Mother fucker!
Benevolence-Don't do me any fuckin' favors.
Happy - I'm fucking high.
Dismay - Oh, Fuck it.
Aggression- Fuck you!
Passive- Fuck me.
Command- Go fuck yourself.
Incompetence-He's a fuck up.
Laziness-He's a fuck off
Ignorance-He's a fucking jerk.
Trouble-I guess I am fucked now.
Confusion-What the fuck?
Despair-Fucked again.
Philosophical-Who gives a fuck?
Denial-You ain't fuckin' me.
Rebellion-Fuck the world.
Annoyance-Don't fuck with me.
Encouragement-Keep on fucking.
Etiquette-Pass the fuckin' salt.
Fraud-I just got fucked by my insurance agent.
Organized crime-What the fuck you looking at?
Identification-What the fuck are you?
Ugliness-You're a dumb looking fuck.
Agreement-Mother fucker!
Benevolence-Don't do me any fuckin' favors.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
There, just in front of the computer, sat a boy. He's sad. He's depressed. He's thinkng. He's wondering and he's recollecting his history. I am introducing him to you now. He was destined to become a failure by the age of 13. On the day he was born 14 years past, there, a couple looked into theirooffspring's eyes. He was everything to them. They could give up anything for him. Well, years passed, he's grown into his primary years. His parents received complaints from all his teachers, no doubt he was being the cheeky one in his classes. He attended tuitions. His mother appointed tutors for him. She wanted him to be a learnt man. He had childhood memories. There was always time for him to relax. He took chances of being lazy. He came to know his best friend two years before graduation. He made his parents proud of him finally when he graduated from his primary school by proving the tuition he attended was worth it.
He took his first step into his second level education soon. His destiny started to fullfill. He was always not concentrating in classes. Naps, he took in the boring classes, that's what he says. Soon, he came upon a girl through his friend. She studied in the same class as him. She was always the best one, like his best friend. Instead, he was the other opposite to both of them. He was in love with the girl not long later. He scored failure. His best friend and his loved one was now a class ahead of him. He blended with his new friend he met in the second year well. He proved himself to be a cheeky boy. Finally, the results were out after the finals. He has once again, proved his destiny as a failure. Unknown to him, the girl who he cared so much for turned him down when he was trying to date her out. And he got stunned. That night, he was dumbfounded. He gave up. And on a fine morning on 26th of october, there he sat, typing out what he was.
He took his first step into his second level education soon. His destiny started to fullfill. He was always not concentrating in classes. Naps, he took in the boring classes, that's what he says. Soon, he came upon a girl through his friend. She studied in the same class as him. She was always the best one, like his best friend. Instead, he was the other opposite to both of them. He was in love with the girl not long later. He scored failure. His best friend and his loved one was now a class ahead of him. He blended with his new friend he met in the second year well. He proved himself to be a cheeky boy. Finally, the results were out after the finals. He has once again, proved his destiny as a failure. Unknown to him, the girl who he cared so much for turned him down when he was trying to date her out. And he got stunned. That night, he was dumbfounded. He gave up. And on a fine morning on 26th of october, there he sat, typing out what he was.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Boring. Disappointed. Sad. Depressed. Left out.
Stupid people.
Worthless people.
Shit 'em.
Today, i went for movies. With two boys and two girls. Saw lots and lots of nice things. Feel like buyin 'em down. But what for? Aih. Just couldn't figure out what's in me. What's me made of. I just like ended our frienship with her abruptly. Acting like if i was cool. Shit me ownself. Dunno if i hurt her much. Shouldn't care. Won't care. Who cares? Maybe being bad makes me feel better about it. Yeah. Love Sucks!
Stupid people.
Worthless people.
Shit 'em.
Today, i went for movies. With two boys and two girls. Saw lots and lots of nice things. Feel like buyin 'em down. But what for? Aih. Just couldn't figure out what's in me. What's me made of. I just like ended our frienship with her abruptly. Acting like if i was cool. Shit me ownself. Dunno if i hurt her much. Shouldn't care. Won't care. Who cares? Maybe being bad makes me feel better about it. Yeah. Love Sucks!
Monday, October 24, 2005
Monday, October 17, 2005
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Monday, September 19, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Monday, September 05, 2005
This morning, it was raining like shit and everything seems dull and deadly. I looked out of the window. It was still dark. 5.30 in the morning. Besides the streetlight and some lights from the porch of other houses, what else could that be? Yes. Strokes of thunder and lightning zigzagging across the sky illuminating the dark sky for a second or few, then poof. Darkness had the better part of the sky. The pellets, drop of tears from the sky, whatever you call them just blanketed every tiny voice. I wonder how my sis is in the states. And my dear? What is she doing by then? Aih. Life is always so the same. Monotonic and boring.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Life is just like normal. I always don't get the best. Dunno why. Mayb not good enuf. Efforts are at my very least. Got a few more nice pictures from the school camp. That's sumthing that is not so comforting as i am parting with my computer for a month. Makes me feel like sumthing important is slipping out of my life. Haih. Dear ar, if you happen to read this in the period of time when i does not have my computer, please, take note that i love you a lot.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Well, i am alone. But i have got 77 chemistry characters, a geography project with some add-ons, a geography workbook and a history workbook to make good use of my time. And i am damned tired. All those are to be handed in by tomorrow. And i still think i can't get those chemistry formulas right. They are damn confusing and complicated. Well, i have to study and finish my leftovers no matter what. Dear, sweet dreams. Really love you a lot. Nitez.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
HAhaha.. got the pictures for my society's camp. Well, look for me. I am the one with those charming smiles, acting like a moron though. Haha...well, it does seem quite small. Never mind that. Today. Tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. My last three days of touching my computer before parting with it for almost a month. I have gone over this. I mean, i once lived without computer. So, what's the big deal,eh? I still gotta solve the formulas...Those damned chemistry ones. I have got to sleep. I am organised. Well organised. Anyway, dear, sorry for not sms-ing you these a few days. Well, it's like i have nth to say about. Nitez dear. Sweet dreams. Love ya a lotz....
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Another day has passed. How i hope i am back at Fraser's enjoying the captivating beauty of the mountains and hills. By then, i might just loose civilization. The days go by fast and slow at times. I am really getting fed-up with it. Happy moments comes once in a while, short period at a time. Meanwhile, depressing and suffering moments seem eternal. Well, life has to go on. Just have to stay cheerful and wear a smile everyday. Yeah. How could i still smile if i fail my finals?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Well, it has been a tiring few days. Since the day i return from the guitar camp. Thought of studies, assesments, and homework burdens me a lot. Let alone thinking of others. My soul needs rest. I feel so heavy. The finals are soon. Two weeks forward. I am trying to, well, keep me in a moderate mood. Just the cool one. The cheerful one and the one i had always wanted to be. I just can't stay in place all the time. I just free my soul wandering around during important periods though at times when i was bored. Then request my classmates re-teach me what i missed. Ah..an hour to Merdeka. I might just be snoring away in my bed. There were other things to worry of. Like the speech on my first date, the project left untouched, the chapters that i had to revised for my finals. Shit. These gives me excruciating headaches. Sigh-this best describes those matters, yet to be deciphered. Hope i have a dreamless slumber tonight. Hope so.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
This is something cool i found out of the reader digest's site. Secrets to get straight A-s. Cool.
Set priorities. Top students brook no intrusions on study time. Once the books are open or the computer is booted up, phone calls go unanswered, TV shows unwatched, snacks ignored. Study is business; business comes before recreation.
Study anywhere -- or everywhere. Claude Olney, an Arizona State University business professor assigned to tutor failing college athletes, recalls a cross-country runner who worked out every day. Olney persuaded him to use the time to memorize biology terms. Another student posted a vocabulary list by the medicine cabinet. He learned a new word every day while brushing his teeth.Among the students we interviewed, study times were strictly a matter of personal preference. Some worked late at night when the house was quiet. Others awoke early. Still others studied as soon as they came home from school when the work was fresh in their minds. All agreed, however, on the need for consistency. "Whatever I was doing, I maintained a slot every day for studying," says Ian McCray, a Middlebury College student from New Jersey.
Get organized. In high school, McCray ran track, played rugby and was in the band and orchestra. "I was so busy, I couldn't waste time looking for a pencil or missing paper. I kept everything right where I could put my hands on it," he says.Paul Melendres maintains two folders -- one for the day's assignments, another for papers completed and graded. Traci Tsuchiguchi, a top student at Clovis West High School in Fresno, Calif., has another system. She immediately files the day's papers in color-coded folders by subject so they'll be available for review at exam time.Even students who don't have a private study area remain organized. A backpack or drawer keeps essential supplies together and cuts down on time-wasting searches.
Learn how to read. "The best class I ever took," says Christopher Campbell, who graduated from Moore (Okla.) High School last spring, "was speed-reading. I not only increased my words per minute but also learned to look at a book's table of contents, graphs and pictures first. Then, when I began to read, I had a sense of the material, and I retained a lot more."In his book Getting Straight A's, Gordon W. Green, Jr., says the secret of good reading is to be "an active reader -- one who continually asks questions that lead to a full understanding of the author's message."
Schedule your time. When a teacher assigns a long paper, Domenica Roman draws up a timetable, dividing the project into small pieces so it isn't so overwhelming."It's like eating a steak," she says. "You chew it one bite at a time."Melendres researches and outlines a report first, then tries to complete the writing in one long push over a weekend. "I like to get it down on paper early, so I have time to polish and review."Of course, even the best students procrastinate sometimes. But when that happens, they face up to it. "Sometimes it comes down to late nights," admits Christi Anderson, an athlete, student-council member and top student at Lyman High School in Presho, S.D. "Still, if you want A's, you make sure to hit the deadline."
Take good notes -- and use them. "Reading the textbook is important," says Melendres, "but the teacher is going to test you on what he or she emphasized. That's what you find in your notes."The top students also take notes while reading the text assignment. In fact, David Cieri of Holy Cross High School in Delran, N.J., uses "my homemade" system in which he draws a line down the center of a notebook, writes notes from the text on one side and those from the teacher's lecture on the other. Then he is able to review both aspects of the assignment at once.Just before the bell rings, most students close their books, put away papers, whisper to friends and get ready to rush out. Anderson uses those few minutes to write a two- or three-sentence summary of the lesson's principal points, which she scans before the next day's class.
Clean up your act. Neat papers are likely to get higher grades than sloppy ones. "The student who turns in a neat paper," says Professor Olney, "is already on the way to an A. It's like being served a cheeseburger. No matter how good it really is, you can't believe it tastes good if it's presented on a messy plate."
Speak up. "If I don't understand the principle my teacher is explaining in economics, I ask him to repeat it," says Christopher Campbell. Class participation goes beyond merely asking questions, though. It's a matter of showing intellectual curiosity.In a lecture on capitalism and socialism, for example, Melendres asked the teacher how the Chinese economy could be both socialist and market-driven, without incurring some of the problems that befell the former Soviet Union. "I don't want to memorize information for tests only," says Melendres. "Better grades come from better understanding."
Study together. The value of hitting the books together was demonstrated in an experiment at the University of California at Berkeley. While a graduate student there, Uri Treisman observed a freshman calculus class in which Asian-Americans, on average, scored higher than other minority students from similar academic backgrounds. Treisman found that the Asian-Americans discussed homework problems together, tried different approaches and explained their solutions to one another.The others, by contrast, studied alone, spent most of their time reading and rereading the text, and tried the same approach time after time even if it was unsuccessful. On the basis of his findings, Treisman suggested teaching group-study methods in the course. Once that was done, the groups performed equally well.
Test yourself. As part of her note-taking, Domenica Roman highlights points she thinks may be covered during exams. Later she frames tentative test questions based on those points and gives herself a written examination before test day. "If I can't answer the question satisfactorily, I go back and review," she says.Experts confirm what Roman has figured out for herself. Students who make up possible test questions often find many of the same questions on the real exam and thus score higher.
Do more than you're asked. If her math teacher assigns five problems, Christi Anderson does ten. If the world-history teacher assigns eight pages of reading, she reads 12. "Part of learning is practicing," says Anderson. "And the more you practice, the more you learn."The most important "secret" of the super-achievers is not so secret. For almost all straight-A students, the contribution of their parents was crucial. From infancy, the parents imbued them with a love for learning. They set high standards for their kids, and held them to those standards. They encouraged their sons and daughters in their studies but did not do the work for them. In short, the parents impressed the lessons of responsibility on their kids, and the kids delivered.
Set priorities. Top students brook no intrusions on study time. Once the books are open or the computer is booted up, phone calls go unanswered, TV shows unwatched, snacks ignored. Study is business; business comes before recreation.
Study anywhere -- or everywhere. Claude Olney, an Arizona State University business professor assigned to tutor failing college athletes, recalls a cross-country runner who worked out every day. Olney persuaded him to use the time to memorize biology terms. Another student posted a vocabulary list by the medicine cabinet. He learned a new word every day while brushing his teeth.Among the students we interviewed, study times were strictly a matter of personal preference. Some worked late at night when the house was quiet. Others awoke early. Still others studied as soon as they came home from school when the work was fresh in their minds. All agreed, however, on the need for consistency. "Whatever I was doing, I maintained a slot every day for studying," says Ian McCray, a Middlebury College student from New Jersey.
Get organized. In high school, McCray ran track, played rugby and was in the band and orchestra. "I was so busy, I couldn't waste time looking for a pencil or missing paper. I kept everything right where I could put my hands on it," he says.Paul Melendres maintains two folders -- one for the day's assignments, another for papers completed and graded. Traci Tsuchiguchi, a top student at Clovis West High School in Fresno, Calif., has another system. She immediately files the day's papers in color-coded folders by subject so they'll be available for review at exam time.Even students who don't have a private study area remain organized. A backpack or drawer keeps essential supplies together and cuts down on time-wasting searches.
Learn how to read. "The best class I ever took," says Christopher Campbell, who graduated from Moore (Okla.) High School last spring, "was speed-reading. I not only increased my words per minute but also learned to look at a book's table of contents, graphs and pictures first. Then, when I began to read, I had a sense of the material, and I retained a lot more."In his book Getting Straight A's, Gordon W. Green, Jr., says the secret of good reading is to be "an active reader -- one who continually asks questions that lead to a full understanding of the author's message."
Schedule your time. When a teacher assigns a long paper, Domenica Roman draws up a timetable, dividing the project into small pieces so it isn't so overwhelming."It's like eating a steak," she says. "You chew it one bite at a time."Melendres researches and outlines a report first, then tries to complete the writing in one long push over a weekend. "I like to get it down on paper early, so I have time to polish and review."Of course, even the best students procrastinate sometimes. But when that happens, they face up to it. "Sometimes it comes down to late nights," admits Christi Anderson, an athlete, student-council member and top student at Lyman High School in Presho, S.D. "Still, if you want A's, you make sure to hit the deadline."
Take good notes -- and use them. "Reading the textbook is important," says Melendres, "but the teacher is going to test you on what he or she emphasized. That's what you find in your notes."The top students also take notes while reading the text assignment. In fact, David Cieri of Holy Cross High School in Delran, N.J., uses "my homemade" system in which he draws a line down the center of a notebook, writes notes from the text on one side and those from the teacher's lecture on the other. Then he is able to review both aspects of the assignment at once.Just before the bell rings, most students close their books, put away papers, whisper to friends and get ready to rush out. Anderson uses those few minutes to write a two- or three-sentence summary of the lesson's principal points, which she scans before the next day's class.
Clean up your act. Neat papers are likely to get higher grades than sloppy ones. "The student who turns in a neat paper," says Professor Olney, "is already on the way to an A. It's like being served a cheeseburger. No matter how good it really is, you can't believe it tastes good if it's presented on a messy plate."
Speak up. "If I don't understand the principle my teacher is explaining in economics, I ask him to repeat it," says Christopher Campbell. Class participation goes beyond merely asking questions, though. It's a matter of showing intellectual curiosity.In a lecture on capitalism and socialism, for example, Melendres asked the teacher how the Chinese economy could be both socialist and market-driven, without incurring some of the problems that befell the former Soviet Union. "I don't want to memorize information for tests only," says Melendres. "Better grades come from better understanding."
Study together. The value of hitting the books together was demonstrated in an experiment at the University of California at Berkeley. While a graduate student there, Uri Treisman observed a freshman calculus class in which Asian-Americans, on average, scored higher than other minority students from similar academic backgrounds. Treisman found that the Asian-Americans discussed homework problems together, tried different approaches and explained their solutions to one another.The others, by contrast, studied alone, spent most of their time reading and rereading the text, and tried the same approach time after time even if it was unsuccessful. On the basis of his findings, Treisman suggested teaching group-study methods in the course. Once that was done, the groups performed equally well.
Test yourself. As part of her note-taking, Domenica Roman highlights points she thinks may be covered during exams. Later she frames tentative test questions based on those points and gives herself a written examination before test day. "If I can't answer the question satisfactorily, I go back and review," she says.Experts confirm what Roman has figured out for herself. Students who make up possible test questions often find many of the same questions on the real exam and thus score higher.
Do more than you're asked. If her math teacher assigns five problems, Christi Anderson does ten. If the world-history teacher assigns eight pages of reading, she reads 12. "Part of learning is practicing," says Anderson. "And the more you practice, the more you learn."The most important "secret" of the super-achievers is not so secret. For almost all straight-A students, the contribution of their parents was crucial. From infancy, the parents imbued them with a love for learning. They set high standards for their kids, and held them to those standards. They encouraged their sons and daughters in their studies but did not do the work for them. In short, the parents impressed the lessons of responsibility on their kids, and the kids delivered.
Yes and No. I am leaving for Fraser's hill tomorrow. And mum keeps checking my bag. Then she grumbles, takes all my things out, ask what's the use of bringing this and that. And all the homework i planned to do is taken out and shoved aside. Oh my god. Another thing that troubles me is that i can't chat wif my dear and my sis for the next two days and two nights. Luckily, i've got a mobile phone much to my convenience. Hahaha. Something that pleased me a lot is that i do not have to take the early train tomorrow. Phew. Thanks to my pal, Honorable Nigel. I think that's all for today. I am lik dozing off and my teacher hasn't phoned me yet. Hope he calls soon. Love you a lot dear. Muakzz.......
Monday, August 22, 2005
Aih...Life is boring. She is in Genting and i am stuck here. Feeling a sense of guilt. Wasted a lot of time. Eh. Dear ar, talk to me..I am so bored. So tired. And so exhausted. Miss you a lot. Want to look at you. Talk to you. Sometimes i feel so disappointed. How i hope i can drive now. How i hope i can earn a lot of money now. A hundred thousand bucks a month. I will buy a huge mansion with indoor basketball court, cinema, blablabla.....Buy a dozen of BM's. With drivers to chaffeur me. Aiya...Must look for a way to make fame and money. Let's sleep.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Feeling more and more empty as days goes by. Mum doesn't seem pleased with me chatting with girls. She says it's a waste of time fooling like that. Nobody admires a boy like that. Hmmph....whatever. Like the picture of the dragon beside. Cool. And, miss her and my sis so much. Feel like staring staright at her right now. If only i have the guts to. Without my sis around, life is so boring. Shitness. She used to bring me toys or nice stuffs. Now, she is stuck in the states, working, while i am stuck in a pool of bloody tests. Sigh....hope i can score good grades this time. Don't feel like having mum grumbling all the time. It's tiring for her to and annoying to me. Have to discover the omm in me, so that i can study.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Nice, eh?. MY trademark. Hehe. These few weeks, feel so empty. Holy shit. All my monthly test seems to be mal-functioning. Almost every test oso fail. BULLSHIT. And i am on my way to achievement. I can't deteriorate. I am destined to achieve all those goals. These goals are those goals that i must achieve no matter what and no matter how. I need practise. Independence. And concentration. P-I-C. Make that my quote. That's it. That's the spirit.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Friday, July 08, 2005
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Today, everything seemed organised. And you are happy with yourself for being such an organised person. You tried to imagine. About the moment. 14 years back, a girl was born on the 9th of July, and it's her annivesary. Want to get her a pacifier. Put it in a really big box. Then, to make it more mysterious, put another smaller one, and stuff it with newspapers and so on. And the final thing that appears is the pacifier....hahaha. You smirked with glee. Need help immediately.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Friday, July 01, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
You never had this kind of feeling before. Simple complex. You don't know if she likes you. And you are getting frustarated. You hope you didn't open your mouth and told her your secret feelings to her N months ago. If only you have the guts to ask her. But you just fell tired. Rest is what you need. Yeah. Maybe shouldn't even sms goodnight to her. UH...just pure simple complex.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
You feel utterly shocked. Utterly confused. Utterly stunned. And utterly disappointed. You heard from a friend that he heard from his friend that his girlfriend doesn't like him anymore. And your friend is wondering if that was true. And now he doesn't know what to do. Coz' he thinks if he ask her, she might feel that he is damn interfering as well as annoying. So, he is stunned, confused and desperate. So were you.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Today, life seems exceptionally normal. Just that you finally achievd grade 1. That is enuough to make yourself happy. You never felt this way since standard six. Achieving something after a great damn lot of hardwork is one thing you definitely would appreciate. That is what cheers you. And everyone, for sure.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Monday, June 13, 2005
Secrets are sometimes the exciting part of our life. It lightens up our lifes. Without secrets, it won't be that interesting. Life will be like a pure white paper. Secrets are like blots of colour on it, thus making it more beautiful. Keeping a secret let you know your responsibilities.Never to let the cat out of the bag. Hush up.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Courage is needed when you think its needed. Feel free to do anything you like with courage. Courage makes us think not about the consequences. For the best example, it's like the robbers. They does know that robbing is a risk of their lives. Getting caught means jail for the next number of years. But what makes them so daring? It's courage. Another example. Peter Paker. The legendary Spiderman. Courage took over the better part of him when he fights crime. Even with his super powers around, without courage, he woludn't even dare to kick a dog in it's ass. Courage. At least you have the rights to do whatever you want with courage around. Sometimes, courage is like a comforting pill. When you hate your intimidating teacher, you intends to payback. Courage. Deflating the tyres of his car. Breaking the glass panes of his car. Hitting the car with a metal bar. That makes you better, don't you think so? Don't stay back. No keep-aways. Rules suck. Stand out now. Say out what's been in your heart for a long time. Never be afraid of what you say. Yeah. Fuck you.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Sometimes, life seems so hopeless. Living is just like an act, an act that seems eternal, never-ending one. Play your role fine and people are jealous like shit with you. Play your role bad, and people scolds you. True. Fairy stories can't be true. You can't find any charming prince kissing a poisoned snow white nowadays. All you can see is the view of the step mother poisoning her. Your fairy godmother won't appear when your stepmother and stepsisters leave you behind scrubbing tubs while they go to the ball to dance with the prince. Mickey is just some story. So are all fairy stories. They are always so perfect. The good wins evil. They are acting in a way of how people wants them too. They are being played, being directed, and being filmed. Hope plays a role in the speech. It doesn't appear in the movie. It is some role so unimportant in movies, in plays, in cartoons. What they call hope everytime are usually destined. Hope is a miracle. And miracles are like looking at a rainbow in the dark starry night. Yeah. How often a miracle happens? No one knows. Even if it happens, the chance of it is so small. Got a miracle?
Friday, June 10, 2005
Sentimentality. Claudine is. Soothing. You seem to be exceptionally frustrated. Gosh. And you don't know why. You took a deep breath. You closed the door behind you. Everything was working properly as usual. Your memory was waiting. Your exploration. You walked in. "Have you ever think about things that seems so exceptionally normal? Like you. Your face. Your body. What's so special about that? Think carefully." That was some strange question from a strange guy which you had forgotten. Yeah. Think. You are a boy. You knew it wasn't that simple, thus to emphasize it, you told yourself " You are an alien, of species 9342, living in an special and unique planet with translucent substances and of strange, large stones moving around." That's what your opinion. Maybe that's the other aliens think of you. UH...that was a boring memory, and frustrating. Another memory was slipping away. You raced up, caught it and start to collect pieces of it. "If time were to be something that goes in a regular way, someone or something must be controlling it." Yeah. That's a mystery. But who and what? Maybe a man by the name of James Bond. Or Anakin. Or Peter Paker. Or whoever it could be. Frustrated. Yeah. That's you.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Your brain groaned. You seem to think a lot today. Her. Him. And things that are useless to a student. You smiled. You strutted towards the scrambled memory of yours. Just that these memories haven't been put in order, it seems so untidy. So, you rummaged and finally spotted what you wanted to find. It was in a corner. So...pathetic. You slowly put your hands on to the piece of memory. You closed your eyes. Deep inside your inward eye, you recalled what you have been thinking moments ago. Just now. Hours ago. "Why are the planets drawn horizontally with the sun? Maybe in the point of other organisms in the far, wide and deep galaxy, our Solar System are in vertical position." You grinned. You suddenly felt something. You learnt something. In points of view between a person and another, there is a difference. No two points of view are exactly the same.But in one's point, one's view, one's thought, one will always think that everyone's pont of view is the same and similar with his. That's why. That's unconsiderate. That is the starting of point of greed, of unfillial, of jealousy, of envious, of everything. Everything that is connected with the thought of evil, of bad. You suddenly feel so guilty. About yourself, your attitude. You felt silent. Tears were dripping from your inward eye. Guilt. Change is what you need. A change of attitude, of your way, your life, your everything. Dhyana. Deep, pure contemplation. You closed every entrance of your soul, every exit of your soul. For a minute. Every second passed like a year. You were looking at your past. Exciting. Dull. Failure. Bored. Pain. Terror. Beautiful. Then another thought shot through your brain. "Who am I a minute ago? A second ago? A second later? An hour later?" You knew that it wasn't as simple as your name, as who you are. But who? Your school work left untouched on the table. Yeah. Gotta figure that out first.
Monday, June 06, 2005
"....I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you...."
The song went on. You stared aimlessly at the monitor. The speaker was at loud blast. You suddenly feel so lost. Life's so short. And you are not leading your life at your best. Your examinations. Your sports. Everything. Lame. Failure. Damn, you sucks. Nobody will ever like you. Your attitude. You and your attitude. Your guardian appears to arrive home earlier than you have expected. Lunch. Gosh. Your stomach seems to be taking its nap. Not ready for next arriving meal. 3.49 p.m. Her friend appear to be so excited, eager and keen about you and her. You just logged in and her friend were already showering you with questions-much to your surprise. You thought she had knew it all along. Uh...Disappointment. "Let the bygone be bygone." It just came out from a part of your memory. You tried to track down where you saw this. But another part of your memory was waving at you trying to catch your attention. You hestitated. And you moved towards the one waving to you. You peeked in. It was your memory this afternoon. Yeah. Damn, You sucks. Attitude is your failure. You have tried to change. So what's the point? You really did your best at preparing. But in the common days, you were like so..UH...Lazy. That's it. Is that all? Yeah. She doesn't bother you in your studies. She encourages you. But you let so many people down. Your guardians, her, him and everyone. Everyone. "If only time will allow me. I will put in my best." That's what you say. That's what everyone says. Yeah. Lame statement. If only.
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you...."
The song went on. You stared aimlessly at the monitor. The speaker was at loud blast. You suddenly feel so lost. Life's so short. And you are not leading your life at your best. Your examinations. Your sports. Everything. Lame. Failure. Damn, you sucks. Nobody will ever like you. Your attitude. You and your attitude. Your guardian appears to arrive home earlier than you have expected. Lunch. Gosh. Your stomach seems to be taking its nap. Not ready for next arriving meal. 3.49 p.m. Her friend appear to be so excited, eager and keen about you and her. You just logged in and her friend were already showering you with questions-much to your surprise. You thought she had knew it all along. Uh...Disappointment. "Let the bygone be bygone." It just came out from a part of your memory. You tried to track down where you saw this. But another part of your memory was waving at you trying to catch your attention. You hestitated. And you moved towards the one waving to you. You peeked in. It was your memory this afternoon. Yeah. Damn, You sucks. Attitude is your failure. You have tried to change. So what's the point? You really did your best at preparing. But in the common days, you were like so..UH...Lazy. That's it. Is that all? Yeah. She doesn't bother you in your studies. She encourages you. But you let so many people down. Your guardians, her, him and everyone. Everyone. "If only time will allow me. I will put in my best." That's what you say. That's what everyone says. Yeah. Lame statement. If only.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
You just returned from your school camp. Boring. You were getting dark. Uh.... Projects again. You copied directly and just pasted in to the Microsoft Word--Document 1. You were getting restless. Deception Point. That's the book you have been waiting for days. Yet it hasn't arrived. And she's not here. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to play with. You chatted with her friend. She just came back from her school camp too. Both of you talked about school camps. Then she left. Boring. No point sitting on the chair and rot. You thought started wandering into your memory, recalling the boring-interesting in some ways though-speech you heard in the camp. About dimensions, reality and time. "Time is not exact in some point. For instance, a pair of twin brothers is parted. One is left on the Earth while the other took off to space. After three months time in space, the brother came back and was shocked to find that his other brother was already an old man.........." Then you walked to another part of your memory. "What we see, hear and feel in our surroundings are fake, the true reality of us is in another dimension which is either above or below us. At there, everything is connected. No distance and time survives there. You can feel what other people feel at there. You can view things from other people's point. Do whatever you like there. All the knowledge in the universe is located there. Everything." Awesome. You smiled. You shook yourself back to reality. Uh....school will be starting soon. Another week's time. Homework again. 10.33 p.m . Late for your guardian, early for you.
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