!

This is JOYCE blogging. Not Sorkia.

I do not condone dingalicious!!!

Ten

I will...

1. stop speeding

2. be a very safe driver

3. be a more courteous driver

4. study

5. enjoy December

6. stop being a stalker

7. pray more

8. learn to shut up

9. be less impulsive

10. NOT GIVE UP ON UNIVERSITY APPLICATIONS

Limited Freedom

Freedom...

Can mean so many things.

Holidays are hereeee. :) The odd thing about this time's holidays is that it crept up slowly upon me and lunged upon me when I least expected it. The liberation from Hamlet, King Lear and Malaysian studies came as a huge relief but one that falls short of joy. This freedom from classes and college is one that is sudden, almost uninviting at first, but finally received with much gratitude because as much as I love free periods, I'm reminded that I don't thoroughly enjoy most of my classes and hasten the passing of them.

"My holidays just started. I WANT TO SLEEP."

This perhaps just reinforces the fact that SOME PEOPLE drill in my head all the time "You very aunty ar." but who cares? Sleep is essential to animals. I still find it hard to accept - it's November already?! Nevertheless, I'm glad that the holidays are here because I can finally sleep peacefully without worrying about my coursework any more. I will never touch another Shakespearean play every again (lest I major in English Lit). He's brilliant and all but he has brought far too much stress and far too many sleepless nights upon me.

That is the question -

You know you've made it BIG when 400 years later, a line from your play is used as a t-shirt design.

Then there's freedom such as finally passing your driving test. On the fourth attempt. The fact that I'll never seeing another bukit and my driving instructor every again made me almost dissolve into tears and out of relief. Then comes the freedom of actually driving around on your own. I drove alone to Jusco today and successfully reverse parked all on my own! Fine, I chose 3 lots with no cars in it so that I can reverse without the fear of crashing into a car but it's a start to awesome reverse parking skills. I still have to work on driving close enough to the ticket machine to feed my parking ticket into it with ease. Either that or I've to live with it for the rest of my life simply because my arms are too short.

Shopping alone has proved to be a great joy (though I would choose to do it in the company of my sis if I had the choice)! I could go into any store I want, for as long as I like and choose the size of my clothes without having to feel paiseh as I do when I go with my friends. :P A clown was hanging around Jusco entertaining kids with balloons. School holidays seem like a thing of such a long time ago... As I heard the echoes of the kids' laughter while choosing hair rubber bands, somehow the idea of clowns being happy people who spread joy and laughter made me feel a tinge of sadness. Beneath the white face paint, red nose, and ugly wig attached to a hat lies someone who hurts and cries just as everyone of us do.

While I was walking around on my own, it struck me more strongly than ever that I am old enough to be independent, have babies and have to learn how to survive on my own. It's wonderful to be able to go shopping on my own, drive my own car, go out with high school friends till relatively late at night, go to Penang without any adult supervision and the list goes on and on. This freedom, although seemingly exciting at first, turns out to be extremely scary and needs to be treated with serious caution. I can screw up my whole life just by driving a bit too aggressively, spending a bit too much time out of home, letting my procrastination carry on and on... I suddenly find myself inching away from this freedom that I've been anticipating for a long time. I don't like it as much as I had thought I would. The thought of having someone control my life seems inviting. You can have it. If my life screws up, it's not my fault! I won't need to worry. I won't need to fear.

Freedom restricts. It's weird.

The land of CBs.

What does Kuantan has to offer?

Smoothest taufoofa ever;Best Pau in Malaysia;dried-salty-big-mouth fishes;And a lot of car number plates to keep you amused on the road. wtf.

CBs. XD

I want to be serious. Fail.

All the comments you guys left for the last post was great and real motivating! I really appreciate that. Seriously, i really feel like starting to be serious and do real serious posts here from now on. You get what i mean, no? No funny stuff. No mocking people. No more lame jokes. And then all will be about helping those people in need. Criticizing the government. Promoting world peace. Dedicating my blog for the greater good.

But, i don't think i can. Especially the part on no funny stuff and no lame jokes.

Why? Because at that very instant i finished reading nigel's comment of me being an angel's advocate, an image flashed before my eyes.

You tell me. If blogging is all about expressing one's thoughts, do you think i'd be able to suppress all these and just concentrate on blogging about the serious stuff?

Nah. I don't think so.

p/s sorry! if this picture hurt your feelings/mock your god/shows no respect for your religion. No offense. =)

Tell me what to do.

I am having my AS finals right now and for almost everyday during this period of time, i can't get my mind off the next coming test and all the preparations and formulas and bloody assumptions and shitty stuff ALL related to the exams.

Pathetic. Blame myself for not playing the paying attention in class.

Last Saturday, i was in desperate need of getting ink cartridges for my printer as i needed to print the exercises out. But the shop where i usually get my ink supply from was closed, so i had to drive around my neighbourhood to look for one. I got to the busiest part of my neighborhood - where all the banks, the shops, the everything are- and then i couldn't help but to notice this scene which totally got my mind off the coming exam and the shitty stuff.

I saw this kitten straying outside the bookshop.
It was still, obviously, very young and still at the stage of learning new stuff. It did not scurry away like all the other older cats did when someone was nearby, but instead walked side by side with the people walking along the corridor. It could not walk properly on four, and occasionally tripped a little and tried to support itself up. Then, it would look around. And then it would continue to walk and look around.

I stood there, by the entrance of the book store and i watched the kitten move around as if looking for food. I looked around and got to a nearby cheecheongfun stall and bought 3 fishballs for the kitten.

I got back and left two on the ground. I ate one. lol wtf. And then i stood by and watch as the kitten finished them up.
As soon as it had finished up the two fishballs, i left with so many emotions and thoughts boiling inside me.

Well, let's just say i've got so many things running in my mind at that moment and I just don't feel like saying it all out here. I felt exactly like then when i visited the orphanage. And how am i able to describe the feeling of helplessness? You see someone who needs help. You want to help. You try to help. Somehow, you just can't help. You can't do anything to help. Tell me. I just don't know the word to describe such helplessness.

As i got to my car, I saw this kid sitting on a stool by the cheecheongfun stall, munching away happily. Such contrast in life. And I can't do a thing to help.

Escape to happyeverafterland FAIL.

Today, i feel like running away and go off to a far far land and live happily after. So, i built myself a raft out of twigs and as you can see, a big heart shaped leave with many holes on it to serve as a sail.


I was very happy. And then i realised it was too small. So, i rebuilt a bigger one, still with dry twigs, but minus the cacat sail.


And then when everything was set and ready to go, i pushed it out for a test ride.

Fail. wtf.

So, happily-ever-after life would have to wait. And before that, Physics and Bio 2 would still have to come first. wtf wtf.

Of graduation, saying bye bye and the huge gap.

I should have waited for the photos from dailou before i publish this post. But wth. All the emotions are cramming up in me and somehow the photos can wait.

This morning was the 48th graduation ceremony for the chonghwaians. Yea. I got up early in the morning - earlier than usual school days lar- just for attending the ceremony. Somehow, even though i was not in school this year, the excitement and all the feelings in me were not much different from any graduates this year, i can asssure you.

I missed out the first hour of the event. I got in and sat down next to dailou, with jenny right behind him. They were busy writing stuff in their class mag. Leaving messages for their classmates and so. There were chatterings. The people were kind of noisy. Still, anyone could feel that the air was pervaded with deep feelings. The kind of feeling before parting. And people around me did not smile much. Those familiar smiles were not on their faces today. Today was different.

If you had noticed. Then you would have seen those gestures people make trying to cover up their anxiety of parting with their friends in a few hours time. Their restlessness on their seats. Their urge to strike a topic to talk to the one next to them to distract others from noticing the sadness upon their faces. The looks on their faces when looking at their classmates, wondering if they are going to meet again in the future, or probably hoping that that particular moment would never end. And some, some of them just looked at the stage blankly while the feelings inside them were bubbling incessantly.

And then it was time to sing the national anthem, the school song, just to name a few. I had never sang so seriously in my life. Probably it was because this was the last time i could stand side by side with my schoolmates -those that i hd grew up with- and sing. I was totally surprised, when i realised i actually had memorised the lyrics for the school anthem and i never knew that.

Then, classes went on stage and took photos. They raced each other up and for a moment or so, i regretted taking a levels instead of uec. I stood below the stage and looked up at them. If i feed on emotions, the stage could already supply me for a year or so, with 3 meals a day. Some were screaming, some were crying, some were shouting with joy, some just smiled, some just stood there and looked down, some were...

The ceremony was over, and people came down from the stage. Girls were crying and hugging each other. Boys on the other hand, patted each other on the shoulders, some hugged. Even a stone would turn soft at that moment. Well, one of my friends who always looked tough cried. And that was not something happy to see.

I went to the movies after that. Watched a canton movie called the Poker King. The movie was pretty funny. But, occasionally, when i laughed, i turned to look at junhui beside me. He was not laughing. And then my laughter would die out and i would turn back to look at the screen trying to ignore him. He was the joker among his friends. And to see him not laugh was like seeing the sky not turning blue in the morning which makes people feel yea, sad.

And as i drove home later on, the sky was blanketed with dark clouds and sooner enough, the rain began to fall.
________________

Well, something to laugh about - I tried sneaking in with my chong hwa school uniform on today. But, sadly, i got caught by the discipline master who insisted to have my hair cut short. wtf. And after much explaining that i was not a senior 3 student, he literally pulled and dragged me out of the school and made me change back to my casual wear. haha wtf.

Also, I saw a few teachers today, who said that i had lose weight. HAHAHAHHAHA. If you don't believe, i have a picture as proof! Look at the HUGE gap between my tummy and the pants. WAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA. The pants used to fit me just well. LOL



p/s will post the pictures up as soon as i get them. and ex-chonghwaians, cheer up! =)

Random thoughts and review on Ninja.

I woke up at 10.30 today, which was like the first time of my life. Yea. I never tried waking up later than 930. I was not surprised, for for the past few days, i have been worried sick of my test and had nightmares about failing my test/not able to finish my test on time and shit like that. Fortunately, yesterday turned out to be quite okay.

A levels has totally turned me into a hardworking boy. *pride! Like really sit down and not just stare at the book for hours without flipping a page, but really look into it and studying real hard. And i am not surprised if i find out there's a hemorrhage in my brain any time. exaggerates, wtf. When in secondary school, i never ever gave a damn in all the tests. I would just flip through and then play. Now, it's just totally different.

____________

So, as i was saying, because the test that i had been worrying sick of was over yesterday, and the next test is like 5 days away, I went to the cinema for a small celebration with the mutiaracarpark band and a few other friends.

We watched a movie called Ninja. Despite of my love for ninjas ever since i was young, i find the storyline of the movie pretty urm... bad.


The gadgets are cool, the actress is pretty.
And all the others, they suck big time. It's like watching a remake of power rangers.


The hero, check. The ultimate bad guy, check. The brotherhood of badguys, check. The ultimate gadgets, check. The happy ending, check. The only thing different is that the fights were more bloody.

To be honest, i find this movie childish. AHAHAHHAHAHA. Maybe that's because i am 18 now. AHAHHAHAHA.

Still, Batman and all the other superhero's movies are better than this. I just found out from a movie review site, that Ninja is only in the cinemas in Malaysia. In the states, it is a straight to DVD production. And that must be the reason why the movie is bad.

I would rather go watch phobia 2, and freak myself out, than laugh at Ninja if i had knew.

Phobia 2 has this really scary trailer, which i think is COOL! haha. Who wants to go with me? XD

How to score an A in your test.

Books
can fuck off.

Other than that, anything is a good way to pass your finals with flying colours. Really.