You never had this kind of feeling before. Simple complex. You don't know if she likes you. And you are getting frustarated. You hope you didn't open your mouth and told her your secret feelings to her N months ago. If only you have the guts to ask her. But you just fell tired. Rest is what you need. Yeah. Maybe shouldn't even sms goodnight to her. UH...just pure simple complex.

Blisters and wounds. You got cut today, by pieces of shattered glass. And, not deep though. One in each arm, and one in your right leg. Bleeding profusely. Life is so such boring. And so anxious. With two homework undone. Yet to be done tomorrow in school.

You feel utterly shocked. Utterly confused. Utterly stunned. And utterly disappointed. You heard from a friend that he heard from his friend that his girlfriend doesn't like him anymore. And your friend is wondering if that was true. And now he doesn't know what to do. Coz' he thinks if he ask her, she might feel that he is damn interfering as well as annoying. So, he is stunned, confused and desperate. So were you.

Today, life seems exceptionally normal. Just that you finally achievd grade 1. That is enuough to make yourself happy. You never felt this way since standard six. Achieving something after a great damn lot of hardwork is one thing you definitely would appreciate. That is what cheers you. And everyone, for sure.

It's damn clear. The message. You miss her. Life is so boring. So dull. And with these lot of test around, you just feel sick. You suddenly hope that miracles might happen. You feel nothing. Even though with your essay competition in the first place. Coz' life's dull. With responsibilities.

Secrets are sometimes the exciting part of our life. It lightens up our lifes. Without secrets, it won't be that interesting. Life will be like a pure white paper. Secrets are like blots of colour on it, thus making it more beautiful. Keeping a secret let you know your responsibilities.Never to let the cat out of the bag. Hush up.  

Courage is needed when you think its needed. Feel free to do anything you like with courage. Courage makes us think not about the consequences. For the best example, it's like the robbers. They does know that robbing is a risk of their lives. Getting caught means jail for the next number of years. But what makes them so daring? It's courage. Another example. Peter Paker. The legendary Spiderman. Courage took over the better part of him when he fights crime. Even with his super powers around, without courage, he woludn't even dare to kick a dog in it's ass. Courage. At least you have the rights to do whatever you want with courage around. Sometimes, courage is like a comforting pill. When you hate your intimidating teacher, you intends to payback. Courage. Deflating the tyres of his car. Breaking the glass panes of his car. Hitting the car with a metal bar. That makes you better, don't you think so? Don't stay back. No keep-aways. Rules suck. Stand out now. Say out what's been in your heart for a long time. Never be afraid of what you say. Yeah. Fuck you.

Sometimes, life seems so hopeless. Living is just like an act, an act that seems eternal, never-ending one. Play your role fine and people are jealous like shit with you. Play your role bad, and people scolds you. True. Fairy stories can't be true. You can't find any charming prince kissing a poisoned snow white nowadays. All you can see is the view of the step mother poisoning her. Your fairy godmother won't appear when your stepmother and stepsisters leave you behind scrubbing tubs while they go to the ball to dance with the prince. Mickey is just some story. So are all fairy stories. They are always so perfect. The good wins evil. They are acting in a way of how people wants them too. They are being played, being directed, and being filmed. Hope plays a role in the speech. It doesn't appear in the movie. It is some role so unimportant in movies, in plays, in cartoons. What they call hope everytime are usually destined. Hope is a miracle. And miracles are like looking at a rainbow in the dark starry night. Yeah. How often a miracle happens? No one knows. Even if it happens, the chance of it is so small. Got a miracle?

Sentimentality. Claudine is. Soothing. You seem to be exceptionally frustrated. Gosh. And you don't know why. You took a deep breath. You closed the door behind you. Everything was working properly as usual. Your memory was waiting. Your exploration. You walked in. "Have you ever think about things that seems so exceptionally normal? Like you. Your face. Your body. What's so special about that? Think carefully." That was some strange question from a strange guy which you had forgotten. Yeah. Think. You are a boy. You knew it wasn't that simple, thus to emphasize it, you told yourself " You are an alien, of species 9342, living in an special and unique planet with translucent substances and of strange, large stones moving around." That's what your opinion. Maybe that's the other aliens think of you. UH...that was a boring memory, and frustrating. Another memory was slipping away. You raced up, caught it and start to collect pieces of it. "If time were to be something that goes in a regular way, someone or something must be controlling it." Yeah. That's a mystery. But who and what? Maybe a man by the name of James Bond. Or Anakin. Or Peter Paker. Or whoever it could be. Frustrated. Yeah. That's you.

Your brain groaned. You seem to think a lot today. Her. Him. And things that are useless to a student. You smiled. You strutted towards the scrambled memory of yours. Just that these memories haven't been put in order, it seems so untidy. So, you rummaged and finally spotted what you wanted to find. It was in a corner. So...pathetic. You slowly put your hands on to the piece of memory. You closed your eyes. Deep inside your inward eye, you recalled what you have been thinking moments ago. Just now. Hours ago. "Why are the planets drawn horizontally with the sun? Maybe in the point of other organisms in the far, wide and deep galaxy, our Solar System are in vertical position." You grinned. You suddenly felt something. You learnt something. In points of view between a person and another, there is a difference. No two points of view are exactly the same.But in one's point, one's view, one's thought, one will always think that everyone's pont of view is the same and similar with his. That's why. That's unconsiderate. That is the starting of point of greed, of unfillial, of jealousy, of envious, of everything. Everything that is connected with the thought of evil, of bad. You suddenly feel so guilty. About yourself, your attitude. You felt silent. Tears were dripping from your inward eye. Guilt. Change is what you need. A change of attitude, of your way, your life, your everything. Dhyana. Deep, pure contemplation. You closed every entrance of your soul, every exit of your soul. For a minute. Every second passed like a year. You were looking at your past. Exciting. Dull. Failure. Bored. Pain. Terror. Beautiful. Then another thought shot through your brain. "Who am I a minute ago? A second ago? A second later? An hour later?" You knew that it wasn't as simple as your name, as who you are. But who? Your school work left untouched on the table. Yeah. Gotta figure that out first.

"....I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you...."
The song went on. You stared aimlessly at the monitor. The speaker was at loud blast. You suddenly feel so lost. Life's so short. And you are not leading your life at your best. Your examinations. Your sports. Everything. Lame. Failure. Damn, you sucks. Nobody will ever like you. Your attitude. You and your attitude. Your guardian appears to arrive home earlier than you have expected. Lunch. Gosh. Your stomach seems to be taking its nap. Not ready for next arriving meal. 3.49 p.m. Her friend appear to be so excited, eager and keen about you and her. You just logged in and her friend were already showering you with questions-much to your surprise. You thought she had knew it all along. Uh...Disappointment. "Let the bygone be bygone." It just came out from a part of your memory. You tried to track down where you saw this. But another part of your memory was waving at you trying to catch your attention. You hestitated. And you moved towards the one waving to you. You peeked in. It was your memory this afternoon. Yeah. Damn, You sucks. Attitude is your failure. You have tried to change. So what's the point? You really did your best at preparing. But in the common days, you were like so..UH...Lazy. That's it. Is that all? Yeah. She doesn't bother you in your studies. She encourages you. But you let so many people down. Your guardians, her, him and everyone. Everyone. "If only time will allow me. I will put in my best." That's what you say. That's what everyone says. Yeah. Lame statement. If only.

You just returned from your school camp. Boring. You were getting dark. Uh.... Projects again. You copied directly and just pasted in to the Microsoft Word--Document 1. You were getting restless. Deception Point. That's the book you have been waiting for days. Yet it hasn't arrived. And she's not here. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to play with. You chatted with her friend. She just came back from her school camp too. Both of you talked about school camps. Then she left. Boring. No point sitting on the chair and rot. You thought started wandering into your memory, recalling the boring-interesting in some ways though-speech you heard in the camp. About dimensions, reality and time. "Time is not exact in some point. For instance, a pair of twin brothers is parted. One is left on the Earth while the other took off to space. After three months time in space, the brother came back and was shocked to find that his other brother was already an old man.........." Then you walked to another part of your memory. "What we see, hear and feel in our surroundings are fake, the true reality of us is in another dimension which is either above or below us. At there, everything is connected. No distance and time survives there. You can feel what other people feel at there. You can view things from other people's point. Do whatever you like there. All the knowledge in the universe is located there. Everything." Awesome. You smiled. You shook yourself back to reality. Uh....school will be starting soon. Another week's time. Homework again. 10.33 p.m . Late for your guardian, early for you.