patrick

it was cold today. she could feel it everywhere on the tabletop where she leave her glasses before she goes to bed; the edge of the basin where she usually supports herself with one hand while she brushes her teeth with another; the handrail that she clings on with whatever life that's left in her fragile bag of bones when she walks down the stairs. at the end of her hand where fingers were meant to be, she felt ice popsicles and there was so much frost building up in her hips which made walking down the stairs an impossible feat and when she managed to reach the end she felt as if she had conquered Mt Everest. she wished she had someone to blame had someone to complain to about the cold and everything that was astray but there was no one she could point her finger at because the man in the television had informed the nation that it was going to be freezing today and she had forgot to turn on the timer for the radiator the night before. and then, Patrick wasn't here.

she could blame Patrick for not reminding her about the cold for not turning on the timer for the radiator for not walking down the stairs with her for not making her her tea which she always woke up to for not running warm water in the basin before she went in for not handing her her glasses when she needed it for not holding her hands in his trying to warm it up. but you don’t and you can’t blame dead people can you?

Karen was there when she walked into the kitchen. Karen was the caretaker that would come in few times a day to prepare her meals and made sure she was alright otherwise. she didn't fancy Karen but she didn't dislike her either but Karen just could never make the tea at the right temperature like how Patrick always did. Karen moved around the kitchen swiftly and in a few minutes, had her breakfast ready. she didn't like that as well she preferred how Patrick worked in the kitchen how he would inch from one end to the other in that 5 feet wide space and how he’d turn around slowly every time and asked if she wanted extra sugar in her porridge or if she preferred honey instead. sometimes he would just turn around to ask something but halfway through turning around he'd forget what he wanted to ask so he'd just smile at her and that glow in his face never failed to warm her up. Karen was talking to her now but she couldn't hear her. she nodded and smiled and watched as Karen left and was slightly irked when the door slammed behind her. she remembered how Patrick would always take ages to close the door when he left making sure it didn't made too much noise or any noise at all. then for the rest of the morning she would brood over how life was before Patrick left.  

the doorbell rang. startled by it her eyes ran everywhere across the room and she noticed the set of house keys across the table.

"Patrick."

she blurted out and then within that split second she remembered and she burst into tears.