You want?
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
On parting.
and again.
the seemingly endless wide four-lane highway. the bare lands by the road. the big billboards with the trying-to-impress-you punchline and the over-sized stewardess with the million dollar smile to welcome/saybaibaito you. the newly painted yellow lines that lie across the road, reflecting the sunlight, more or less an annoyance. the hand - like a pre-programmed robot - that keeps reaching out from the box.
and again.
the random topics in the car. the occasional jokes followed by the laughs that evaporate into thin air within seconds. the songs -all songs, all genres, all artists- only sang melancholic tunes. the gray silence. the uneasiness that crept under the skin. the eye contacts, and then a forceful smile. the unheard sighs. the peaceful humming of the engine pushing all the way to a hundred. the woman's voice from the phone giving directions.
and again.
the blue chip from the automated machine. the lifts and the escalators where nothing is being said. the few counters with some/many people lining up. Ah and look there is our friend. the familiar face with a smile. the cheerful note in his voice. the dry laugh. the patting of shoulders. the exchanging of glances. the excitement and the blues dancing in the air. the sudden silence again. the occasional peek at the watch. Time's up and i have to go he says. the heavy footsteps headed for the counter. the tear glands all up and ready for work. the hugs - never too long but always tight. the pumping of blood into the eyes and the tears. and the tears. and the nose are all clogged up and no voice comes out from the throat. someone passes a tissue. but the one crying - either the mum or the son or both - never realizes who. and the dad. the dad is always silent. the dad is always cool. but the dad, the dad feels as heavyhearted as the mum and the dad never shows it. the dad says bai to the son, take care young man and walks away. everyone looks at their mutual friend and says the same thing. takecare, goodluck, seeyousoon, keepintouch. and he walks down the escalator. everyone starts to follow him from above and they keep waving. he waves back from below. he moves past a counter and he disappears from sight. everyone tries to keep in pace with him. and as they move on to the next spot where they can see him walk, they doesn't notice that the dad-the dad is always cool. the dad is always silent- was standing at a corner waving at the son. they pound on the glass for his attention. he looks up and wave. yes everyone, wave back and smile. and then he disappears again. everyone moves on. look he's there! and wave again. say bai even he cant hear it. and then he turns around and wave then disappears for the last time. everyone turns around and start walking back. silence pervades the air.
and again.
goodbye my friend. you've been the one. you've been the one for me.
the seemingly endless wide four-lane highway. the bare lands by the road. the big billboards with the trying-to-impress-you punchline and the over-sized stewardess with the million dollar smile to welcome/saybaibaito you. the newly painted yellow lines that lie across the road, reflecting the sunlight, more or less an annoyance. the hand - like a pre-programmed robot - that keeps reaching out from the box.
and again.
the random topics in the car. the occasional jokes followed by the laughs that evaporate into thin air within seconds. the songs -all songs, all genres, all artists- only sang melancholic tunes. the gray silence. the uneasiness that crept under the skin. the eye contacts, and then a forceful smile. the unheard sighs. the peaceful humming of the engine pushing all the way to a hundred. the woman's voice from the phone giving directions.
and again.
the blue chip from the automated machine. the lifts and the escalators where nothing is being said. the few counters with some/many people lining up. Ah and look there is our friend. the familiar face with a smile. the cheerful note in his voice. the dry laugh. the patting of shoulders. the exchanging of glances. the excitement and the blues dancing in the air. the sudden silence again. the occasional peek at the watch. Time's up and i have to go he says. the heavy footsteps headed for the counter. the tear glands all up and ready for work. the hugs - never too long but always tight. the pumping of blood into the eyes and the tears. and the tears. and the nose are all clogged up and no voice comes out from the throat. someone passes a tissue. but the one crying - either the mum or the son or both - never realizes who. and the dad. the dad is always silent. the dad is always cool. but the dad, the dad feels as heavyhearted as the mum and the dad never shows it. the dad says bai to the son, take care young man and walks away. everyone looks at their mutual friend and says the same thing. takecare, goodluck, seeyousoon, keepintouch. and he walks down the escalator. everyone starts to follow him from above and they keep waving. he waves back from below. he moves past a counter and he disappears from sight. everyone tries to keep in pace with him. and as they move on to the next spot where they can see him walk, they doesn't notice that the dad-the dad is always cool. the dad is always silent- was standing at a corner waving at the son. they pound on the glass for his attention. he looks up and wave. yes everyone, wave back and smile. and then he disappears again. everyone moves on. look he's there! and wave again. say bai even he cant hear it. and then he turns around and wave then disappears for the last time. everyone turns around and start walking back. silence pervades the air.
and again.
goodbye my friend. you've been the one. you've been the one for me.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
today
feels like a nightmare. it still haunts me at the thought of it. i take all that comes after. being nice to me is like stabbing me in the heart. so don't. saying i tried my best is definitely one of the worst excuses of the time. so don't either. i know what i am capable of and my best, call me proud or call me boastful but my best is definitely not this. and the hand that laid on my shoulder, the hand felt like hot iron burning through my skin. the words they said felt like needles pricking on my heart. i see, i hear and i feel the disappointment. despite how they say it's alright, i know it's not. i bring shame to them more than i do to myself. i try to sleep but there is a throbbing pain in my head that hammers again the skull. i remember someone said that if one does not have the qualifications, then he does not have the right to pursue his own dreams. that line, like an echo, races through my mind again and again. how true of that.
the least expected often barge into your life like a lightning strike. a contact of what? 2, 3 seconds? and the aftershock is hard to recover from. i heard what had become true today as a joke few weeks before. the joke being that the confidence i showed was merely because i thought i was right when i was not. turns out that the joke that i had laughed at became something i am crying over. what a joke it was. i thought of death. and i thought of hiding away. but where i do not know. my friend tells me to face the facts. i know, why would i not? i would definitely say the same thing to someone like me. but somehow i couldn't do it. they still talk to me like nothing happened. they still text me like everything's alright. i can't look them in the face and here, i apologize to everyone for everything.
a very simple conversation or a simple gesture of goodwill now becomes the most painful thing ever. i can't get myself over with this and this definitely feels like the end of the world to me. until i feel better again, don't comfort me.
the least expected often barge into your life like a lightning strike. a contact of what? 2, 3 seconds? and the aftershock is hard to recover from. i heard what had become true today as a joke few weeks before. the joke being that the confidence i showed was merely because i thought i was right when i was not. turns out that the joke that i had laughed at became something i am crying over. what a joke it was. i thought of death. and i thought of hiding away. but where i do not know. my friend tells me to face the facts. i know, why would i not? i would definitely say the same thing to someone like me. but somehow i couldn't do it. they still talk to me like nothing happened. they still text me like everything's alright. i can't look them in the face and here, i apologize to everyone for everything.
a very simple conversation or a simple gesture of goodwill now becomes the most painful thing ever. i can't get myself over with this and this definitely feels like the end of the world to me. until i feel better again, don't comfort me.
Friday, August 06, 2010
Hahas, lols and bais.
and it is on days like these - boring days when the little boxes next to the people i want to talk to ain't green and i get to entertain myself by strumming endlessly on the same guitar chords for hours or replaying a video of me lip syncing on ipod and laugh blankly- that i come to realize i don't have that many friends as i might seem to have(which sounds pretty impossible if according to the number of friends i have on social websites). oh wait. a second look at the contact list and then there's this one friend that i have not been talking to for how long again? i clicked and the conversation window with the once familiar background comes in sight. i run my fingers across the 26 keys and i didn't know which one to start with. i hesitated and closed the window. what is there to talk about after asking howdoyoudo and finethankyou? haha, lol and bai? i suck at conversations and coming up with topics to brag on without preparation. in other words, i suck at maintaining friendship, relationships and blablablacksheeps wtfiknow. the only people i go out with nowadays are the few people that are ultimately close to me. either they had been there with me since primary school or they had bathed with me together or wrestled me on the floor or slept with me in my bedroom or many other little things that still puts a smile to my face whenever i think of them. it's not that [ somerandomyou ] can't make me smile but somehow i had built walls around me since the last relationship. after all, you only get hurt from the people closest to you, no? anyway, i digressed.
despite me telling myself all these and to perhaps, stop shutting myself in, i still can't guarantee you that you won't get haha, lol and bai from me the next time. at least, i promise i'd make myself sound a little more enthusiastic which after all, you can't see my face and i can't see yours either, so. =)
also, a video that i find pretty amusing. look at the boy's mouth from 0:49, he's like restraining himself from laughing. lol.
oh. and 0:38 is also epic. hahaha.
despite me telling myself all these and to perhaps, stop shutting myself in, i still can't guarantee you that you won't get haha, lol and bai from me the next time. at least, i promise i'd make myself sound a little more enthusiastic which after all, you can't see my face and i can't see yours either, so. =)
also, a video that i find pretty amusing. look at the boy's mouth from 0:49, he's like restraining himself from laughing. lol.
oh. and 0:38 is also epic. hahaha.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Why you should buy a new house
You walk into a house and you feel like this is home. This is where you want to stay. Everything up to the patterns of the tiles in the toilet fits your dream house description. You know this is home. Awesome rite?
Of course that would be awesome if you weren't staying in it when the house is undergoing renovation. And the toilet tiles? It takes a hundred gazillion hours of looking through all the tiles in the show room to find the perfect match that is black and white.
Let me tell you what. Don't renovate your house. Save the trouble and save the money and go get a new one.
Now, there's this site called Propwall that has all the top properties and most wanted properties in Malaysia and etc etc. Simple steps to find your dream house there i can assure you. Find the location where you would want your house to be at the PropertyHotSpots and then click on one of the little monopoly houses that has a fancy name which suits you because your house should have a name just like mine which i call it the Belltower because dingdongbell wtf.
Anyway, if you dont really care about the location and all you want is like for example, the perfect match of toilet tiles, you can browse through their arsenal of 40000 pictures which i suppose you will find something that matches your taste.
Then again, your dreamhouse don't come free and if you want to sell your old dilapidated house away, Propwall is also your solution to find buyers that think dilapidated houses are cool. Of course, if you do not have enough money to spare on buying your dream house, then why not consider renting it? Better still, start investing to earn money so that you can get your dreamhouse in the near future.
Anyway, back to the Belltower wtf.
The Belltower is still undergoing renovation and Master Bell Junior is still stuck in Belltower for god knows how long and has run dry on inspirations which once again becomes an excuse for the almost dead blog.
Of course that would be awesome if you weren't staying in it when the house is undergoing renovation. And the toilet tiles? It takes a hundred gazillion hours of looking through all the tiles in the show room to find the perfect match that is black and white.
Let me tell you what. Don't renovate your house. Save the trouble and save the money and go get a new one.
Now, there's this site called Propwall that has all the top properties and most wanted properties in Malaysia and etc etc. Simple steps to find your dream house there i can assure you. Find the location where you would want your house to be at the PropertyHotSpots and then click on one of the little monopoly houses that has a fancy name which suits you because your house should have a name just like mine which i call it the Belltower because dingdongbell wtf.
Anyway, if you dont really care about the location and all you want is like for example, the perfect match of toilet tiles, you can browse through their arsenal of 40000 pictures which i suppose you will find something that matches your taste.
Then again, your dreamhouse don't come free and if you want to sell your old dilapidated house away, Propwall is also your solution to find buyers that think dilapidated houses are cool. Of course, if you do not have enough money to spare on buying your dream house, then why not consider renting it? Better still, start investing to earn money so that you can get your dreamhouse in the near future.
Anyway, back to the Belltower wtf.
The Belltower is still undergoing renovation and Master Bell Junior is still stuck in Belltower for god knows how long and has run dry on inspirations which once again becomes an excuse for the almost dead blog.
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