Orientation

has it only been three weeks? three weeks since I introduced myself in front of a bunch of juniors in that small crappy room like a failed job interview despite the infinite times I ran through the introduction in my mind during lectures earlier that morning. i was looking at a group of blank and lost faces who stared back at me and laughed dryly at the jokes I tried to crack and thinking to myself that they must be thinking to themselves who the fuck is this.

but now.

it only seemed like a few moments ago that i was cheering screaming laughing pelvic thrusting with them and there were many times I wished I were with them instead of getting stuck in a room with a woman that read so slow the dinosaurs relived and became fossils again or in a hall where the only thing I see on the screen is all their faces, all enthusiastic and looking ready and set to do something exciting. i must admit that i did dreamt of them. then again, it felt like I was going through orientation all over again. it definitely did not feel like three weeks to me. it only felt like a day and yet, like we have been friends for so long. they were so real, free of false pretenses and had nothing to hide. i wonder at times that if the wall that I had around me still stands as firm as strong as rigid as it used to be. then I realize that there must have been a crack somewhere and something must have seeped through.

here's to new friends and unexpected friendships.

tell me where you want to go.

here's a forest filled with thick dense cement blocks, the roads conquered by roaring vehicles, the night brightened up by neon lights and above all, scattered with life. the city's a maze. streets interconnected, taking you everywhere, anywhere but always somewhere. somewhere that tells you that serenity may not only come in the form of high mountains and green foliage. every where's a picture. here, the pace is faster, the escalator, the steps, the everything. even the day and the night. people here walk pass you without even realizing your presence as long as you are not in their way.
this has gotta be the good life. i've heard this from a song but it could be so true. the conference was amazing. the people were. everyone was. i've made new friends and some really close ones. i was myself back there and i had nothing to hide. i snored in lectures like no one's business and got really drunk in front of people i have only known for a few days. i have already began to miss the times we strolled in the streets either to get to mackes(as the australians would have put it) or 7-11 or the local cafes to get supper, and all the while laughing at really silly things we did in the day. i had fun from the morning till i went to bed in the wee hours of the morning. the only thing i had to worry about was nothing.
i love the walk down the harbor in the night where the whole hongkong island comes in sight. i love standing in the junctions, listening to the rapid beep of the traffic light, the many pedestrians that walk across the road and the many cars that drive by. i love the people here how they stare at you when you're slow, but always ready to help despite the grumpy tone. i love the malted vitasoy, something i have to have two packets everyday. i love the convenience store they have all over the place the cool air in it that brings a big difference in the summer. i love the tunnels underground that lead you to so many exits that when you emerge a new undiscovered place greets you.
maybe i'll find it a dull place if i were to live in there but for now i'm addicted and i just can't get enough.

On death #1

death arrives today.

like any other day, the sky is a faint blue with puff of white clouds hovering within. the trees are green and lively, the birds singing that same ole' song in that monotonous chirp. the blooming flowers are radiant and there is a gentle breeze that sweeps across the grass like how you ruffle a boy's hair. and there's nothing amiss about the urgent ringing of the phone because today is like any other day.

death strikes today.

into the hearts of those who loved the dead-like a hammer's blow-shattering the strongest defenses. and like a running tap, the tears flow and hang loosely by the sides of the chin. they sway, shake and the droplets give in to gravity. silent screams of protest echo in the hearts. the denial of fact is useless- what good is it to reviving the dead?- but nevertheless, they shout to the dead and bid farewell.

few days after the celebration of a coming of age and now the mourning of death. how ironic. how fucking ironic.

On parting.

and again.

the seemingly endless wide four-lane highway. the bare lands by the road. the big billboards with the trying-to-impress-you punchline and the over-sized stewardess with the million dollar smile to welcome/saybaibaito you. the newly painted yellow lines that lie across the road, reflecting the sunlight, more or less an annoyance. the hand - like a pre-programmed robot - that keeps reaching out from the box.

and again.

the random topics in the car. the occasional jokes followed by the laughs that evaporate into thin air within seconds. the songs -all songs, all genres, all artists- only sang melancholic tunes. the gray silence. the uneasiness that crept under the skin. the eye contacts, and then a forceful smile. the unheard sighs. the peaceful humming of the engine pushing all the way to a hundred. the woman's voice from the phone giving directions.

and again.

the blue chip from the automated machine. the lifts and the escalators where nothing is being said. the few counters with some/many people lining up. Ah and look there is our friend. the familiar face with a smile. the cheerful note in his voice. the dry laugh. the patting of shoulders. the exchanging of glances. the excitement and the blues dancing in the air. the sudden silence again. the occasional peek at the watch. Time's up and i have to go he says. the heavy footsteps headed for the counter. the tear glands all up and ready for work. the hugs - never too long but always tight. the pumping of blood into the eyes and the tears. and the tears. and the nose are all clogged up and no voice comes out from the throat. someone passes a tissue. but the one crying - either the mum or the son or both - never realizes who. and the dad. the dad is always silent. the dad is always cool. but the dad, the dad feels as heavyhearted as the mum and the dad never shows it. the dad says bai to the son, take care young man and walks away. everyone looks at their mutual friend and says the same thing. takecare, goodluck, seeyousoon, keepintouch. and he walks down the escalator. everyone starts to follow him from above and they keep waving. he waves back from below. he moves past a counter and he disappears from sight. everyone tries to keep in pace with him. and as they move on to the next spot where they can see him walk, they doesn't notice that the dad-the dad is always cool. the dad is always silent- was standing at a corner waving at the son. they pound on the glass for his attention. he looks up and wave. yes everyone, wave back and smile. and then he disappears again. everyone moves on. look he's there! and wave again. say bai even he cant hear it. and then he turns around and wave then disappears for the last time. everyone turns around and start walking back. silence pervades the air.

and again.

goodbye my friend. you've been the one. you've been the one for me.

The test had made me pregnant, but that's okay.

I woke up on the last day of the exam and felt nauseous. And then i realised i had not been menstruating for a month, which means..Yes. I am pregnant. wtf.

The pregnancy made me late for the exam and when i got in the whole room was looking at me like they've never seen a handsome guy before, not like that they never seen me before, probably just not enough i guess.

Anyway, the crazy part came after the examintations. Met up with qianglin and asked paul to join in. Went for chilli panmeee. =D and then to the batting cage at One Utama and for bowling. Then, the awesome part came. We went to the Ampang Look Out Point without a map! Pretty cool huh.

Took us approximately 2 hours to get there. Jam session and missing out the turns for five times included. haha wtf.

But everything was worth it. The whole city was shining back at you. Street lamps flickering. Car lights crawling. Buildings looked like as if a hundred of candles were lit up on them. And the air was so cool that my hotness actually faded a little.
Man, ma guitar's test in like 15 hours' time. But it still feels freaking awesome to get rid of all the papers on the wall. =D

p/s fyi, i have never experienced menstruation.

The Epic Battle.

The last day of college worked it's way into the heart and unleashed the sentimentality within each and everyone. People were hugging along the corridors, taking pictures with all the people they had stalked for the past 18 months or so, the stalkers smiling like they've never smiled before and the stalked ones with forced smiles on their faces. Either way, it was a sad day.

But not for me and faris. He hated lard! How on earth could someone even hate lard when it's like the best food around? In the end, on that very fateful day, we came to decide that only a fight would bring the argument to rest.



In the end, Ganesh the awesome Indian came to the rescue. He strangled faris to death. Indians are so cool. wtf.

No malays or chinese were harmed in the making of the fight. And this post has nothing to do with race discrimination. And this is i think, a non-halal post, cuz it's got lard involved. Anyway, long live the Indians! XD

p/s this is faris's version.

Happy tigerish chinese new year! =)

Getting flowers. Rm 60

Valentine's card. Rm 12.80

Delivery charge. Rm 40

Bribing sister from telling ma about this. Rm 100

Incident of sending flowers to the wrong house and having the girl to collect the flowers herself. Then learning that the recipient's an indian. Priceless.

Feeling so screwed up now. =(

Anyway, happy chinese new year! *roars*

Amboi, gementarnya.

Was checking up on the A level result site and this was what i saw.

Supposed I did not receive the results i was hoping for, I wonder what appropriate steps Mr.tcshcampusdirector would be able to decide for me.

Give me a 500 page manual to jumping off Niagra Falls?

Throw!™ sibeh ganjeong. 13 hours and counting.

25/1 update: hohoho. not the best. but good enough to draw a smile on the tensed up face. lalalala. thank you everyone. =D

Nigel's moving, but i ain't gay.

Well, haven't you heard? Nigel's moving to Mars and he ain't coming back no more. In any case, if you have got no idea who Nigel is, this is him. So, for the very last time before he takes off in his Waja-shaped shuttle (so malaysiaboleh!) with all his belongings and furniture and clothes and undergarments and stuff like that, we went out for the last time(?). Of which, i discovered/realized a few interesting facts.

1. We have never ever went to the cinemas together before for the past 9 years.
2. He now goes to cyber cafes for Left 4 Dead 2. (a new kaki! but sadly, now moving to Mars)
3. I think that's all. Only two, now three.

We started off our last Earth trip together at a cyber cafe playing L4D 2(which is a zombie shooting game, very addictive, very cheegek, and very naueseatic for some people.), screaming and asking for help as well as giving orders to each other and the other ignoring it and laughing like hell while hacking away zombieheads.Then, off we went for our first movie together!

Actually, it's pretty depressing to know that yesterday was the first time we watched a movie together and probably the last time till kingdom come. Not the part of watching the last movie that's sad. But beause we used to be best friends and stuck so close together and we have never done a lot of things together yet. Anyway, back to where i paused for a moment.
We watched Avatar, which was a pretty good movie with shadows and elements of many other films in it. Rambo, District 9, Jurrasic Park, Star Wars, Surrogates, Pochahontas(is this how you spell it?) and of course Titanic. So, you tell me? how can this not be good, right?
We went for dinner and pool later on. And that is how we ended our last Trip travelling on Earth together.

I wasn't sad at all. Not as sad as i was when he told me he was moving. Well, how do you react to that when he's been your friend, and a very close one for 9 years? I am one who hates parting, and one who's afraid of losing something i cherish. Hmm. You want to listen to me brag on about our friendship, no? yea. you want it.

When i first met him back in primary school, i was still a boy with no good friends. Most of the friends i had were those that will play with me and scream along while running down the corridors but still fight with me in the end. wtf. So when he appeared in class one fine day, i was determined to make him my best friend. lol. And then i tried different ways of approaching him as well as trying to impress him with stupid jokes. So in the end, we got on pretty well.

Then the secondary school part, i believe that most of you already know much about it. How i deteriorated and then did not become classmates no more. Yea. Then, we always run out of conversation topics and ending up in silence and smiling stupidly at each other. I used to be always so afraid that one day our friendship would one day fall apart, which it did not.

Okay, i just remembered some of the things we did together. One was drawing comics, then renting it to other classmated for ten cents per page and then photocopying it and selling it. The other was playing bowling. And also pool. yea, that pretty sums up all the stuff we did together that was pretty memorable lar. haha. still got one lar, i am just too lazy to type them out.

I suck at parting. So bad that all the words i said to my sis when she had to go to the states to study was babai and the nothing else. Now i have run out of words. I don't think i even write this much when i broke up with my exgf. hahaha. But i believe nigel knows everything i want to say, after all, he's still one of the best friends i have.

I have to say it. I am not gay. For your info. I repeat. I am not gay. I just like boys. wtf. AHAHAHHAHA. joking one.

haha. have a safe flight lar dude! =D

Of graduation, saying bye bye and the huge gap.

I should have waited for the photos from dailou before i publish this post. But wth. All the emotions are cramming up in me and somehow the photos can wait.

This morning was the 48th graduation ceremony for the chonghwaians. Yea. I got up early in the morning - earlier than usual school days lar- just for attending the ceremony. Somehow, even though i was not in school this year, the excitement and all the feelings in me were not much different from any graduates this year, i can asssure you.

I missed out the first hour of the event. I got in and sat down next to dailou, with jenny right behind him. They were busy writing stuff in their class mag. Leaving messages for their classmates and so. There were chatterings. The people were kind of noisy. Still, anyone could feel that the air was pervaded with deep feelings. The kind of feeling before parting. And people around me did not smile much. Those familiar smiles were not on their faces today. Today was different.

If you had noticed. Then you would have seen those gestures people make trying to cover up their anxiety of parting with their friends in a few hours time. Their restlessness on their seats. Their urge to strike a topic to talk to the one next to them to distract others from noticing the sadness upon their faces. The looks on their faces when looking at their classmates, wondering if they are going to meet again in the future, or probably hoping that that particular moment would never end. And some, some of them just looked at the stage blankly while the feelings inside them were bubbling incessantly.

And then it was time to sing the national anthem, the school song, just to name a few. I had never sang so seriously in my life. Probably it was because this was the last time i could stand side by side with my schoolmates -those that i hd grew up with- and sing. I was totally surprised, when i realised i actually had memorised the lyrics for the school anthem and i never knew that.

Then, classes went on stage and took photos. They raced each other up and for a moment or so, i regretted taking a levels instead of uec. I stood below the stage and looked up at them. If i feed on emotions, the stage could already supply me for a year or so, with 3 meals a day. Some were screaming, some were crying, some were shouting with joy, some just smiled, some just stood there and looked down, some were...

The ceremony was over, and people came down from the stage. Girls were crying and hugging each other. Boys on the other hand, patted each other on the shoulders, some hugged. Even a stone would turn soft at that moment. Well, one of my friends who always looked tough cried. And that was not something happy to see.

I went to the movies after that. Watched a canton movie called the Poker King. The movie was pretty funny. But, occasionally, when i laughed, i turned to look at junhui beside me. He was not laughing. And then my laughter would die out and i would turn back to look at the screen trying to ignore him. He was the joker among his friends. And to see him not laugh was like seeing the sky not turning blue in the morning which makes people feel yea, sad.

And as i drove home later on, the sky was blanketed with dark clouds and sooner enough, the rain began to fall.
________________

Well, something to laugh about - I tried sneaking in with my chong hwa school uniform on today. But, sadly, i got caught by the discipline master who insisted to have my hair cut short. wtf. And after much explaining that i was not a senior 3 student, he literally pulled and dragged me out of the school and made me change back to my casual wear. haha wtf.

Also, I saw a few teachers today, who said that i had lose weight. HAHAHAHHAHA. If you don't believe, i have a picture as proof! Look at the HUGE gap between my tummy and the pants. WAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA. The pants used to fit me just well. LOL



p/s will post the pictures up as soon as i get them. and ex-chonghwaians, cheer up! =)

Happy Moon-ish Day.

How did you celebrate last night?


Was it with your family, or was it with your friends?

Or maybe alone?
I still remember those days back then when everything looked bigger and taller. And then these were the days that everyone in the family would show up. The young ones would play with the lanterns, the candles and try to burn the house down. The adults would sit in the garden sipping hot Chinese tea, munching on the mooncakes, talking about everything, and most of all, to prevent us from burning the house down.


As each of the small ones grew up, they left, they moved, and they never showed up again on such occasions. And last night was one of those occasions. The adults said they were tired, the young ones had to celebrate with their friends.

And then there was me.
So, with all the memories of those younger times, i decided to play with the lanterns alone. lol.

Lit up the whole garden with lanterns and sat on the floor and watch the candles go out. Then light them back again. Then watch them go out. Then relight them and watch them again.


The house across the road was full of noise. Cheering, singing and children running around. And here, it was total silence.

I tried to look for the moon but to no avail. The clouds were dancing in the sky. And no moon was to be seen. So i played with the candles and danced on the grass along with Van Morrison's dancing in the moonlight.

So, i played along till around midnight. Cleaned up the mess, and went back into the house.

And that's how life rolls when everyone starts to grow up, don't it? All alone.

On the other hand, burning lanterns down just never felt so good.

MUAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHA.

wtf.

Happy 52nd!

What if there were no moon but all stars on the Jalur Gemilang?

You get the flag of the United states.


Hmm. Makes me wonder.

Anyway, Thank you for making me me! I am proud to say that i am orang buatan malaysia! wtf.

Happy 52nd Merdeka, Malaysia.


Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!

And then we starved.

I starved myself for 30 hours last saturday, which was also happened to be the day my sister went back to the states.

Pretty funny how everyone puts it. She's going BACK to the states. Like she originated from there or something like that. lol wtf.

Anyway, the starving began on 12 noon on the 22nd of August. I was not excited at all. No. I wasn't. And when the campers slowly arrived one by one, all our conversation was about food. Something that goes like this.

"eh, call mcd lor."
"what to eat later?"
"I thought this was an eat-all-you-can buffet?"

That did not make things better.

I got home at 5 later to go to KLIA to see my sister fly to the states. And when i got home, i totally forgot about the starving stuff, that i went to the fridge at once and looked up and down for food. I found this muffin, put it into the oven and when it was all ready to eat, only did i realise i should not be eating. wtf.

And here's a pic of me and my sister. My friends say that with a wig on me, i look just exactly like her. lol

I got back to the campsite later. And only to realise the people wanted to watch a midnight movie. And fuck, it was a horror one.

I kinda screamed and covered my face with the jacket all throughout the movie. Kept screaming. And one of my friends said. "not scary oso." WTF.


Look at her bloody eyes. Makes me want to slap her.

The next day, we went to the countdown venue. All of us were pretty tired when we reached. And as each singer came out on stage and sang, we just sat there, stared and yawned.
Important people came. But nobody gave a fuck. hehe.


And finally, the awaited Amei.


Everyone who was sleeping got up and cheered for her. Kept screaming, cheering. It was like as if i was on the stage. lol wtf. The girl(s) sitting beside me almost screamed off her lungs.


The lights, the loud music speakers and Amei of course, only made the crowd cheer more.


But somehow, as i wasn't on stage, there were still people who were pretty disappointed. They just sat there as if till kingdom come. wtf.And then there was this guy who just stayed like that for all the time from when i came in, and when we were about to go.


You just can't blame him. After all, his stomach has been empty for like 30 hours. lol.

A dream come true

Ever since i first saw star wars, i fell deeply in love with the storyline, the aircrafts, the shootings, and most of all, the light sabers.


I had always hoped to have a light saber so that i could fight someone with it and yet failed miserably, mainly because my mum would not allow herself or anyone to get me one. Her excuse was always because i already had tonnes of toys. And so, everytime i pass by the toy department, i couldn't help but to play with the toy sabers, imagining me a Jedi, despite the cacat-ness of the toy compared to the real thing.

Well, I was with my friends at the toy department in metrojaya at the curve yesterday, and to my most shocking surprise, i saw a few toy sabers at the star wars stall. And eventually, we couldn't stop ourselves.

And tadaa..this is the result.



And i felt so happy that night before i went to bed.

After all, my dream had come true. =)

p/s video might contain colourful language, hence video is rated 18sg, for violence and usage of inappropriate language. hehe. yea wtf, i know. =P

Who says BM is not important?

Today is a good day. Yes, the sun is bright, the clouds are white and the sky is blue.

Very happy rite? I almost got the biggest shock of my 17-year-old life. fml.

When i was driving on the biggest roundabout i've ever seen in my life, my sister called me. Halfway through the call, i caught a glimpse of a big large white motorcycle behind me. I dropped my phone immediately after the conversation and looked at him who was now beside my car. He was looking at me behind his large sun glasses. And he was pointing towards the road side.Fuck my life, i was thinking, fml seriously.

And when he drove past me and headed towards the spot where he had pointed, I pulled out my wallet, and emptied all the money in it, leaving a one buck note in it. When i stopped right behing the large-arse white cycle, I put on my best smile and tried to look stupid. He came over, knocked on my window. I looked at him and gave the stupid look, with my best smile on it. Yea wtf. He gestured me to lower the window. I did. And he smiled at me.

"Boi, you tau you apa salah ar?"

I wanted to say, TAK TAU O? APA SALAH SAYA AH? but resisted against it. Instead, i said

"err..."

"you cakap telefon, apasal tak mau guna handsfree?"

"err..hehehe."

"kasi ic, license."

He took a look at the identification cards for a moment.

"AH. P license lagi ah. Mau kena saman ar? kena saman kasi gantung license boi, MAU?"

"err..hehehe."

He pretended to start walking towards his monster-arse bike, then he turned around and looked at me with my wallet with a smirk on his face.

"Apasal buat dengar telefon? Mau belanja saya ah?"

Immediately, i looked into my wallet. I took out the only one buck in it, and pretended to look for more money. And i couldn't find any. So, i gave him the one buck note and said sori with my most innocent look. He pretended he didn't see me giving.

"U pelajar ka? Belajar kat mana? Ini kereta u ar?"

"Err. Kat TAR kolej bang. TAR. Kereta mak."

Then i raised my hand higher.

"EH, tak mau lar. Lain kali jangan ulang ah."

"er...hehehe."And he walked towards his big-arse-bike and left. I grinned a little, and couldn't stop laughing at how good i am at weaving lies when he was out of sight. TAR wei. haha wtf. Yet, i also could not stop shaking when i drove home later on, I was still a little frightened.

FIRST TIME MAR. hehehe.

After this incident, i really regretted....

because i didn't give a damn about BM when i was in secondary school, and i was so bad at communicating with it, all my replies were "er...hehehe."

The whole world will have to wait because...

Today is Mother's Day.

A very good reason for postponing your assignments and projects, as well as for not studying for a test due the following day.

Thank you, ma. And these are my presents. Just a small little token for what you've done after all this 27 years.

Carnation(s).

more carnation.

Cold Hard Cash. So cold my fingers got numb holding it.
Rock-hard gold bars that spread across acres and acres of land and so hard that your teeth will definitely break into pieces if you try biting on one of them.
A large residence of whatever kind where the queen or the president will be the one washing your toilet bowl and taking all your orders.
My heart.
(I know so many girls wanted this, but sorry, only my mum can have this, all the girls can have other parts of my body. XD)

You're worth it Ma. I love you. =)

p/s what are you giving your beloved mum today? XD