!

This is JOYCE blogging. Not Sorkia.

I do not condone dingalicious!!!

Ten

I will...

1. stop speeding

2. be a very safe driver

3. be a more courteous driver

4. study

5. enjoy December

6. stop being a stalker

7. pray more

8. learn to shut up

9. be less impulsive

10. NOT GIVE UP ON UNIVERSITY APPLICATIONS

Limited Freedom

Freedom...

Can mean so many things.

Holidays are hereeee. :) The odd thing about this time's holidays is that it crept up slowly upon me and lunged upon me when I least expected it. The liberation from Hamlet, King Lear and Malaysian studies came as a huge relief but one that falls short of joy. This freedom from classes and college is one that is sudden, almost uninviting at first, but finally received with much gratitude because as much as I love free periods, I'm reminded that I don't thoroughly enjoy most of my classes and hasten the passing of them.

"My holidays just started. I WANT TO SLEEP."

This perhaps just reinforces the fact that SOME PEOPLE drill in my head all the time "You very aunty ar." but who cares? Sleep is essential to animals. I still find it hard to accept - it's November already?! Nevertheless, I'm glad that the holidays are here because I can finally sleep peacefully without worrying about my coursework any more. I will never touch another Shakespearean play every again (lest I major in English Lit). He's brilliant and all but he has brought far too much stress and far too many sleepless nights upon me.

That is the question -

You know you've made it BIG when 400 years later, a line from your play is used as a t-shirt design.

Then there's freedom such as finally passing your driving test. On the fourth attempt. The fact that I'll never seeing another bukit and my driving instructor every again made me almost dissolve into tears and out of relief. Then comes the freedom of actually driving around on your own. I drove alone to Jusco today and successfully reverse parked all on my own! Fine, I chose 3 lots with no cars in it so that I can reverse without the fear of crashing into a car but it's a start to awesome reverse parking skills. I still have to work on driving close enough to the ticket machine to feed my parking ticket into it with ease. Either that or I've to live with it for the rest of my life simply because my arms are too short.

Shopping alone has proved to be a great joy (though I would choose to do it in the company of my sis if I had the choice)! I could go into any store I want, for as long as I like and choose the size of my clothes without having to feel paiseh as I do when I go with my friends. :P A clown was hanging around Jusco entertaining kids with balloons. School holidays seem like a thing of such a long time ago... As I heard the echoes of the kids' laughter while choosing hair rubber bands, somehow the idea of clowns being happy people who spread joy and laughter made me feel a tinge of sadness. Beneath the white face paint, red nose, and ugly wig attached to a hat lies someone who hurts and cries just as everyone of us do.

While I was walking around on my own, it struck me more strongly than ever that I am old enough to be independent, have babies and have to learn how to survive on my own. It's wonderful to be able to go shopping on my own, drive my own car, go out with high school friends till relatively late at night, go to Penang without any adult supervision and the list goes on and on. This freedom, although seemingly exciting at first, turns out to be extremely scary and needs to be treated with serious caution. I can screw up my whole life just by driving a bit too aggressively, spending a bit too much time out of home, letting my procrastination carry on and on... I suddenly find myself inching away from this freedom that I've been anticipating for a long time. I don't like it as much as I had thought I would. The thought of having someone control my life seems inviting. You can have it. If my life screws up, it's not my fault! I won't need to worry. I won't need to fear.

Freedom restricts. It's weird.

The land of CBs.

What does Kuantan has to offer?

Smoothest taufoofa ever;Best Pau in Malaysia;dried-salty-big-mouth fishes;And a lot of car number plates to keep you amused on the road. wtf.

CBs. XD

I want to be serious. Fail.

All the comments you guys left for the last post was great and real motivating! I really appreciate that. Seriously, i really feel like starting to be serious and do real serious posts here from now on. You get what i mean, no? No funny stuff. No mocking people. No more lame jokes. And then all will be about helping those people in need. Criticizing the government. Promoting world peace. Dedicating my blog for the greater good.

But, i don't think i can. Especially the part on no funny stuff and no lame jokes.

Why? Because at that very instant i finished reading nigel's comment of me being an angel's advocate, an image flashed before my eyes.

You tell me. If blogging is all about expressing one's thoughts, do you think i'd be able to suppress all these and just concentrate on blogging about the serious stuff?

Nah. I don't think so.

p/s sorry! if this picture hurt your feelings/mock your god/shows no respect for your religion. No offense. =)

Tell me what to do.

I am having my AS finals right now and for almost everyday during this period of time, i can't get my mind off the next coming test and all the preparations and formulas and bloody assumptions and shitty stuff ALL related to the exams.

Pathetic. Blame myself for not playing the paying attention in class.

Last Saturday, i was in desperate need of getting ink cartridges for my printer as i needed to print the exercises out. But the shop where i usually get my ink supply from was closed, so i had to drive around my neighbourhood to look for one. I got to the busiest part of my neighborhood - where all the banks, the shops, the everything are- and then i couldn't help but to notice this scene which totally got my mind off the coming exam and the shitty stuff.

I saw this kitten straying outside the bookshop.
It was still, obviously, very young and still at the stage of learning new stuff. It did not scurry away like all the other older cats did when someone was nearby, but instead walked side by side with the people walking along the corridor. It could not walk properly on four, and occasionally tripped a little and tried to support itself up. Then, it would look around. And then it would continue to walk and look around.

I stood there, by the entrance of the book store and i watched the kitten move around as if looking for food. I looked around and got to a nearby cheecheongfun stall and bought 3 fishballs for the kitten.

I got back and left two on the ground. I ate one. lol wtf. And then i stood by and watch as the kitten finished them up.
As soon as it had finished up the two fishballs, i left with so many emotions and thoughts boiling inside me.

Well, let's just say i've got so many things running in my mind at that moment and I just don't feel like saying it all out here. I felt exactly like then when i visited the orphanage. And how am i able to describe the feeling of helplessness? You see someone who needs help. You want to help. You try to help. Somehow, you just can't help. You can't do anything to help. Tell me. I just don't know the word to describe such helplessness.

As i got to my car, I saw this kid sitting on a stool by the cheecheongfun stall, munching away happily. Such contrast in life. And I can't do a thing to help.